Dorian gray

 

   

This is my first submission to my movie reviewing blog. While reading this you need to keep in mind that all my opinions are correct, and objectivity means nothing to me. Why? Because this is my blog, and it goes as I say.

    The movie I want to touch upon today is Dorian Gray. This cinematic disaster came out in 2009, and it stars the huge sensation, Ben Barnes. He is known for his roles such as Some Guy from Shadow and Bones, Prince Caspian in Narnia, and every single Sirius Black fan edit on TikTok. (I have no idea whether that's a good thing or not.) (Also screw JKR. Harry Potter books and movies weren't even that good. Plus, she's overall a terrible human being and deserves the absolute worst.)

    This movie is based on the novel by Oscar Wilde, so my expectations were more or less high. Objectively, everything about this movie was bad. The plot was inconsistent, the portrayal of Dorian was messy at best, and the cinematographic was a menace. 

This movie seemed to be suffering from the late 2000s/ early 2010s "edgy" remake trope (we're thinking the Snow White and the Huntsman, Alice in Wonderland, Robin Hood, Frankenstein, 3 Musketeers, etc.). The problem with this kind of re-adaptation is the fact that they are SO unnecessary. Trust me when I say that no one wants to know what happened in the darkest timeline of our favourite childhood fairy tales. Not every re-imagination needs to be dark and mysterious! For instance, if it was up to me, this movie would have been campier, more glamorous, and would have not leaned on horror for some cheap shock values.

    At the end of the day, I see this movie as the opposite of the book. The book focused on the concept of immortality, moral objectivity, and how we all hide bits and pieces of ourselves behind a closed door. It was filled with great symbolism which added many layers to Wilde's piece of art. The movie, however, could be simplified to Ben Barnes being devilishly hot and mysterious for 112 minutes (Believe me, they worked REALLY hard on establishing that.)

    However, as previously mentioned, objectivity means nothing to me. All that said, for the parts that I was paying attention to, I had a blast. Does a movie really need to be good to be enjoyable? No! Ben Barnes and his great acting kept me engaged throughout most of this god-awful atrocious movie.

3/5: only good because of Ben Barnes